Hmmmm....Nice

How do i Dub thee?

2012-01-29T16:08:00.002+05:30

These days i find it difficult to associate with genre, ism and classification. In anything. Naren was always against these things but then, such is the mind of the "people" that its better to make conversation with a person.

Underground yesterday eventually becomes mainstream (or just dies) and then there's a counter-culture to it. Metal is the new pop, at least here in Bangalore. Although, i mean no offence to anyone by saying so, i'm sure the Irock fanatics will "troll" and "lol" me for it. They will automatically assume that I hate metal...But, seriously. Do you LOVE metal? Isn't it a genre filled with hate, anguish, suffering and sometimes disgust? You make music that provokes such emotions from me and then ask me to love it? Sure. No problemo.

Now, that we all agree that metal is awesome and I love it, lets take a moment for you to consider dance music.

I want you to love it. Why? because, its groovy. Don't come here listening to DJ Hasan and say that dance music sucks. Its like me saying Macabre Intent is good metal. Its not and you know it. So, before you come around saying some form of art/music sucks, dig deep not to find the worst, but the best. The best, again is subjective. Try looking for something you like for a change.

This works well the other way too. House fanatics please try rock n' roll. Mix things up a little, go check out an online radio station that DOES NOT PLAY YOUR KINDA MUSIC.

Diversify.

In another frame of thought, ~~i miss comfort.~~

No.

I miss something. And i wont say what it is. But, I do and there's nothing i can do to change that. this is one of those reasons to hate time and that fucked up idea of hope.

Its like a quest for darkness, or silence for that matter. Hmmm...maybe that's what I miss - Darkness and Silence.

I substitute them with songs that wobble.

feel good, please.

2012-01-28T15:44:00.002+05:30

You need to. Its an absolute must and we want you to. Its so important to us that you feel good that we go all out to make sure everything looks like fantasy. Who needs to know you're unhappy when they could really just assume you're happy?

Companies world-wide spend millions on "engagement" programs and they really WANT to do it, but their time is precious so they'll just get a few people to engage their employees and make them feel happy. And if you're not happy about something, they will hire the best agency in the world to convince you that you should be happy about it.

Fakes.

We are living in the most ~~confused~~ curious times. Thanks to our wonderful friends like napster and thepiratebay we now hear people constantly discussing "underground" music from Argentina or "banned" documentaries on sex trafficking, apart from complaing about their internet speed, how many peers are around or gossiping about gossip that was being gossiped on facebook...again. People dress differently, behave differently and react all the more differently. I think some are even loosing that glint of life.

Life has seemed to suddenly have acquired a purpose, something like that of an addiction. Being isn't enough until you're human about it. And humanity lies in sacrifice, sacrifice of arts. It has roughly taken one human life-span for people to even begin to understand what the significance or importance of original content can be. We're still talking a possibility here. If you could point to a kid about a year old and say he is going to become a great artist, it would take a major portion of humanity at least 80-90 years before they recognize that such art is acceptable. Because by nature, we dislike everything. We're individualistic and hence, for the need of a unique identity, need unique tastes. Even if we do like something, we want it free.

Yes. People want all forms of art given to them free of cost because they cannot do it and even if they would try, "it couldn't be that difficult!", so not everyone pays. The ones who pay want the moon and demand corrections. Oh right, its meant for you and your room or staircase or whatever and it has to be perfect! Right, right.

So, after your busy day at work, crunching numbers or writing code you want to go home, relax and listen to free music, watch free movies and play free games.

Don't worry, that future isn't far away. Artistes don't want much money, they're quite happy in their 10x10s, just as long as their work reaches you and you are happy.

Be happy. Everybody would like that.

between the years

2012-01-04T17:31:00.002+05:30

2011 wasn't exactly pleasant for me. Seemingly, It wasn't for quite a few people who post things that appear on my wall on facebook. You see, according to facebook, i'm an average socialite with about 700 off friends. In reality, I have about 12... maybe a little more if you count the people who'd be overjoyed to see me and vice versa.

And those 12 know how new years' eve was. At home, beer, food and music. 12 is also a random number.

I didn't call anyone. or wish anyone for that matter. because at the turn of the twelve, i was on the streets. Not part of mob violence or any gang rape, but just that last pinch of 2011 i guess - paying off an auto driver for a minor nudge. sigh.

Although, this wasn't as bad as some people had it (read gang rape), it wasn't what i wanted either. Sometimes quiet just doesn't cut it or is not allowed. But the point is between the years, not much has changed. I was with the same people as last year, more broke and the weather was extremely cold too.

But see, that's the point of the imagination. You can't always presume joy does not exist in such situations. But then again, joy has never been a very powerful necessity. Happiness on the other hand is. But i find that i don't need it anymore. I gave it up that night. Its too mythical a thing for someone like me to want. It is like wanting perfection. Impossible. So, I think its better off with you. You seem like you need some happiness. You can have mine. I would like to give you something along with it, like a bud of home-grown, or maybe one of those sticks with nicotine or even a beer, but matter of fact, i could only give you a melody. No, not a tune, its this little candy which costs a rupee. The first time i ate it, it cost a quarter of a rupee.

The vibe between the years has found me in many conversations, with drinks of course, contemplating the same topic - the oneness of us / collective consciousness / we are all the same. Of course we are and we are very comfortable with that notion. The oneness among us is a shiny penny. That shiny penny is what we all strive for. Many saints of the modern world tell each other in an undeniable, underlying agreement that committing sin for the purpose of money is acceptable and the right way to do things. It is. Do it.

I am too, but i'd rather be one and not both. Sinner suits, evil prevails, the world is unhappy and hence, the Disney fantasy is the dream we all look forward to.

Happy(?) New year.

Staring away from what was.

2011-12-25T14:14:00.001+05:30

Not much has changed. A year ago i was probably in the same pit, thinking about the same things, only deeper. Yeah, there are things I've learnt and all of that but, you see none of that matters since i'm in the same pit.

I'm still in love with too many of you, though i've stopped looking at it that way. I feel like I've curbed the left and the right to find the balance in between. But, i'm tired of this swinging of the sides, why should we choose? why does it not feel greedy to love so many.

Back in the same pit of wanting so many. Back in the same pit where the highs are free, where there still are human beings with some human feelings left.

Sometimes i feel that people are happy in their pits. They like it there, they don't want to move but just sit around and talk of moving some day, you see its easier to dream. For living it is a misery.

Most people are happy with the chase. Not the prize, they're afraid of victory and what it brings. So there you go, not much has changed, i'm still in the same pit.

The Zen Art of

2011-11-10T02:52:00.003+05:30

Making things better is a deceptive way of wanting things. Lets make things difficult. Because better is not easy. Better is more work. More is the only way we are happy. Happiness is what we need. why?

Its not all happy, but its okay. I mean, most of the time we have we spend trying to make things better for ourselves, yourselves and everybody else as well. There is no time better than now and there is nothing better to do than nothing. Everything else has an expiry date and once its done, you can't take it back.

Its a stupid world to be a part of. What i don't own, i borrow. What is not mine, i'm to take responsibility for. To do anything, you need something. Because what you have is not enough. And what you are is not important, its what you claim to be that's important.

Its pathetic. And you know it. Deep down you feel like this is the stupidest excuse of a life. I just know i wasn't born to design and make ads and make films and do paper work and go marketing and spell things right and use punctuations. I feel stuck.

Its one thing to feel like a failure but thats not the end of this. Thats not even the start. Yeah, i'll probably fail a few more times and somewhere down the line i'll crack a code that works for me. This is a "system" after all and all systems run on code, some weird algorithm that you can crack and put a little loop in for yourself.

Jan keeps complaining about how unhappy i am and its true. I have not one reason to be happy. nothing is real. girls in short skirts to the guys on dope. they're all fakers and we need a new mask. Tomorrow i'll wear one and you won't really tell.

Emotions run high and its all out on me. I feel like the guy with no tongue. trapped in a room without ears.

What i really want to do is act. Play a part in a play or a film that isn't real. I want to be fictional for a while. I don't like this reality, its more deluded than the clock that struck twelve. Of late i have been mimicking everybody, everybody i encounter. and thats okay. i think i'll be good at that too at some point.

I need good sleep.

don't take me seriously. I'm still being somebody else.

And that's what we all need to really learn. The Zen Art of Not Being Yourself, to be yourself.

The Big Mushroom Cloud Festival 2011

2011-10-23T13:34:00.003+05:30

Here it comes. Another month and a half of hair-loss. If you're near Bangalore, around the 5th of November, make your way to CounterCulture.

Designed by Mayur Nanda

(i do not own this work)

Apart from that, everything's fucked up as usual.

The freedom of cyberspace

2011-09-15T03:23:00.002+05:30

This entire dilli-boy vs. madrasi muse-er had me all worked up. Yes, it was mildly entertaining and 80% wrong but you read it to the last word. And then Mad Momma responds in the proud queens English. Hark!

Mad Momma's probably minting off the blog and hence her act is somehow justified but do the rest of you offended victims and their savory patriots even realize the point you've missed here? Not only have you given this little rant-queen a bit of a celebrity status, you have successfully forgotten the point of it all.

If you hit the freedom of speech sham, you dug too deep and if you're still stuck with the blog, you're just scratching the surface.

I'm talking about the internet. Back, when i first heard about this thing i was in the 5th grade, about 13 years ago. Back then it was to be the next big thing. It was to change the way humans communicate. Global Village and all that. It was to empower democracy and bring the citizens of all(connected and non-firewalled) nations together. Instead it gave us the terminology "EPIC FAIL". And that's what i really think of most of the internet.

I mean really think about it. Mankind has had the worst uses for the internet so far. Chat that lead to SMS lingo, is not that big a problem actually. Its made learning how to spell necessary, even if it is a condensed spelling, most of the letters are already there. Just fill in the blanks for them. That could totally be like, leveling up.

Games. MMORPGs and the MOARPOO. Its all shit. They put you in a virtual world to kill each other. Guess what's the one thing you'd be most comfortable doing when you're not in a virtual world. Its true. I've had dreams in which i made plans to loot a bank(one of the levels) in a popular game a couple of years ago.

This one i'm closing with for now, is my favorite. I think its the most commonly used phrase on the internet - Freedom of Speech. Grow up. Everybody has it. If their opinion doesn't match with yours, take it up with them personally.

We have seriously got to stop being the assholes we are on the internet 'cause of the "nobody can harm me physically" excuse and start using it for something smarter.

We could've let the rant pass. Now, its a phenomenon. This is what's wrong with us. We like to pick on each other and laugh at how horrible we are as a species. Rebecca Black, the dude who cried for brittney, this little spiked madrasi girl all a bloody hype we create on the internet. There's no "media" on the internet. Google ranks things based on hits. If you're looking for something and google suggests "where are my car keys", its because there have been 176,765,800 morons who looked for their car keys on google.

Pessimism? Screw you. I have a problem with me and my species.

Heres a card

2011-08-11T22:35:00.002+05:30

drop by someday and tell me whats been up. You know I'd really like to know some times. And yeah, mercury might be in a tight spot while Venus has lost its fur but it was all bound to happen.

your invited and we'll even have live streaming for the once who can't make it.
come one, come all. Its the unglorious moment, we've been waiting for,
bring out the duck, yes the duck that couldn't quack,
the damn duck that couldn't swim, the skinny one, who's feathers all all yellow.
the moment has come and you've been invited for the one last feat,
the one last trial, before we sentence its fall.

pass it around, we need some numbers, this is a big deal now.
the emperor will sell his clothes to get hold of one of this.
oh you've seen this before but not quite yet! the twist is a little derailed in this one,
its a twisted horror of the comic kind. its ironic, sarcastic, plagiaristic and the story everyone has ever told.
its the same old crap and one day, you'll be the act, the act that's up on stage.
don't let me fool you, this is a circus, one that gambles you away.

give it right back. Its all i had. a collection of cards.
i built a little castle, with this collection. the collection then went away.
it was the castle or the collection. It was the show or the ticket.
You never go home with both. You're always left with a stub.
So don't just sit there and be all smug. Your part of the play.
Your witness to this castle, this collection. this might just crumble away.

***

Yes, it might have already reached that point. I want to quit.

Starting trouble

2011-08-05T19:07:00.001+05:30

It's not okay for someone to be a part of your dream and not contribute. You can stand in the corner all you want but it doesn't mean your a part of it. Very few people in the world make a difference by just standing around.

But how could you?can you?you know it but you won't accept it. You CAN be replaced.

What time is it?

2011-07-12T20:29:00.001+05:30

Good morning. It's now that time of the night when you wake up and tell yourself its too early to wake up and too late to sleep.

Good afternoon. Where's my lunch?

Good night. Love. I'll talk to you whenever.

It time to unlearned and realize what's too little and what's unknown. What's out there nd what's an illusion.

In times like these,my none said one question. Is this what life was supposed to be like? The office,the job,te wife he car,the career. It probably is.I mean,that's what we are.

Fry

2011-07-03T03:02:00.001+05:30

I seem to be having a HR's worst nightmare. It's been impossible to fins a decent designer who understands what I'm looking for. I've met a ton of really good designers who can't understand a simple idea. Then I've to listen to them pms about style and fashion.

Listen.analyze.execute.deliver.

There,that's be mantra.

Now, somebody save me!

People are dying. Show yourself, you.

2011-06-06T18:30:00.002+05:30

There's a little dragonfly i miss and i have met him once so far. The day i met him, he was tiny, cranky, unable to speak, walk or do anything i could. But he could already express himself. Yanking at my goat-beard(goatee, is like a nickname i'm sure) and giggling mildly he pushed some buttons in me his mother didn't realize, i'm sure.

Seeing him now, i'm sure, is going to be a heart-wrenching moment for me. And i'm sure, he's going to push a lot more buttons. Maybe thats why i've made the million excuses to reach him. In all of my surety(i've used "sure" 5 times already) lies a deep sense of self-indulgence.

Somehow, i've gone from "da man wit no plan" to Pk-this and Pk-that. And between the "is this right, dude?" and the "how to do this macha" are more questions than solutions. All swallowed. Not yet digested.

I went from client to client in the last 6months. I also went from vendor to vendor. I've been client, manufacturer and vendor at times. And i think consultation and distribution has been this unsaid, unwritten, "part-of-the job" thingamajig. And all with a smile. I think i've acted more in the past 6months than any up-coming actor trying to get into the "scene".

Setting up Logic&Madness Creative Labs, wasn't difficult. Getting work wasn't difficult either. Doing the work, although a little tiring, was still achievable. Yes, i worked nights and weekends. I even missed birthdays and weddings.

Love understands all this. Love waits as well. Love will have its time i'm sure. Here's a emoticon for love @-) and its best viewed on Yahoo Messenger.(dammit! i sound like a endorsee!)

What is difficult for me is dealing with all of it. The work I do, i'm proud of for being able to do it not for the work that it is. There's a disconnect, its not my work. But, i'm okay with that.

Whats difficult for me is dealing with unreasonable boundaries. These stupid ideologies that people have. They write the boundaries, then come up with problems with it. Then they write more.

I have a problem with "we'll see" and "i dunno" and "let me think about it". Where's the honesty your mother taught you?

Whats up with diplomacy anyway? Whats up with democracy? Whats up with all this negativity? Is it just me or is there a really heavy undertone of chaos, uncertainty and insecurity flowing through the water system? Is this really the life i wanted to live?

Just a thought. Just some self-indulgence. All of it, provoked, by a little dragonfly.

I don't like me.

2011-04-17T12:37:00.005+05:30

I made some conscious decisions over the past half year which has led me to dislike myself. Through the course of events I had said to myself that this would be good and someday in the future i can go back to being everything i want to.

I gave in to money. yet i live in darkness. I gave in to the crowd and now i don't want this broken throne. I'm still battling myself, debating if things will work out the way i planned. Six months ago, i wouldn't have imagined myself where i am and mind you it is quite a comfortable place I'm in, its just full of compromise.

I moved out and it was great while i was alone. Now, i live with a community and that is very cumbersome.

Last night, i drank too much. I wanted to. I woke up yesterday with the biggest feeling of paranoia, fear and a weird feeling of panic. That downer buzz lasted till the whiskey entered. That didn't feel very good. I went from a feeling of falling to a feeling of no control. Forced sleep with weird nightmares of being hugged my schoolmates.

i want to rest and feel nice for a change. I want to stop changing clothes to be someone I'm not. But, more than a few good men have died in the name of Rome. I think i should push harder instead to build my own.

Some day I'll have it, my own little Rome. I'll stop blogging that day, disconnect from the internet and throw away my phone.

Jack

2011-01-17T14:23:00.002+05:30

smells like varnish. plus its not the first thing you want to consume after you've woken up. But today is like that. Today is when you wake up knowing that your plans suck. Your life is exactly where you wanted to be but just 10yards away.

Its not so much so a question of greed. Its not even a conflict. Its just plain laziness that got you here. Whats worse, you might just drag down a whole bunch of other lives with you. Its moments like these that make you want to say "i'll see you soon" or "good for you" or something to that extent but nor quite that.

See, the thing is that every once in a way you want to get away from yourself and that ends up becoming a little bit of tedious task considering you're stuck together quite literally. But there are ways that you can and the mystical men who found these ways happily gave them away to the tie-wearing corporate asshole.

And you see, why this is such a day. Its the day you crib about the hand that feeds, the hands that tell you how to caress things and how supple things should be and how old your grandma ought to. Its the kind of day where you just want to stand up and scream a big APPLE PIE to the world. the kind of day that should be dealt with a lot of alcohol garnished with the right amount of weed and anger.

Of course one can use these as the excuses to get out of all trouble caused during this time.

This is no bittersweet symphony, no. Its the fall of yourself. Its when you want to sleep in dirt and feel the grass irritate your back. Its the day when you know your facial hair will stand in the way of your existence and Eddie Vedder will not question these things.

Its also the day you realize that you are a bum, as defined by John Travolta in Pulp Fiction.

I would unofficially like to declare today as the Day of the Bum.

Shake!

blowing the horn

2010-11-25T12:08:00.002+05:30

I'm in love with too many of you. Either that or i'm visually impaired. seeing more than one reflection, more than the natural color and more than what exists. Madness is a distant thing. i still understand reality. But its true. I'm in love with too many of you.

How do i know if it really could be love. I don't. But i still feel that way.

It is quite unique you know. but its true, i can see too many of you. And i find no wrong and o right in knowing every one of you.

But, for a moment i step away. I feel this must end i cannot go on. I can't be this way and you don't want it like this. but at the end its about happiness right?

Wrong. Its about attention i think. Love is just that. You give everything to someone and they must reciprocate and its never enough then we all end up fucking on the moon. Thats the standard nowadays.

Its not me. Its the mangled mess in my head that i don't want to clear. I want to keep seeing all the forms and shapes i see you in. And i'll keep loving till i want to.

Rocks on my table

2010-11-09T23:00:00.001+05:30

"you put me here", it said, staring at me as it would.

stripping off

2010-10-19T22:18:00.002+05:30

It was like a day at the amusement park and something tells me its not over. You walk in and pay people to scare the shit out of, jiggle you inside-out and even give you a photograph of what you looked like in the process. Its the kind of thing you'd never want to do and believed that it wasn't in you to do it, but you do it.

I've put people out of ease quite a few times and ended up feeling like shit afterward, I've been the bad guy a few times and its a part I don't like playing. I could also blame it on the circumstances i was put in and brush it off, but that never helps. Actions like these linger on a lot longer. Its one thing to know the effects are going to be disastrous, its another to never hear about it. Like Dr. Evil, sitting way up in his sound-proofed space-station after destroying the planet and the only thing that confirms it was the computer-generated Lisa saying, "Target eliminated" in a calm, soothing voice. No crash-boom-bang, no mutilated bodies, no rivers of blood and definitely no mushroom cloud of destruction.

But you know somethings happened.

Between death, enlightenment and cherry-flavored lip-gloss there is a fine line of insecurity. I'm sure its a strand of some sort, the kind that gets caught up in cogs and fuck everything up and sometimes, that strand was meant to keep everything in place; tie it all together and end in a perfect bow.

I've tried to reach out and connect. I've tried to run away and hide. I've tried to flow along, but its the kind of thing that's inside you. There's not much pain involved, but its implied that your body might feel more stressed than usual. There's anger, yes and at all the wrong times. And there's the unknown, a really nasty bitch. Doesn't end with that, there's a whole load of complexities you've never heard of, but don't worry, linguists will conjure up a word for it.

This is as disturbing as i'd want to be right now.

Back to the rain.

out of sight

2010-09-04T15:06:00.002+05:30

I've been collecting a lot of thoughts this past month and they're not very nice. They're not very nice things in any context but there's something for everyone in them. A little gossip at the least. But nice things have happened and nice isn't a place anyone wants to be in. Nice is the word they destroyed in 4th grade in that english class where they introduce you to adjectives.

Nice isn't a very nice compliment, and the thoughts i've been collecting aren't either. I think i want to take all these not-so-nice thoughts and make a collage of them on a pink sheet of KG cardboard. paste it on a bulletin board for a week and then trash the entire piece....like all the projects we would do in 4th grade.

In other news, the doctor had had some complaints with my right lung when i'd gone in for treatment for a viral and he said tobacco is the cause so i've pretty much stopped that. And i must say, it is a little refreshing.

to the emotional fool

2010-09-04T14:43:00.002+05:30

There's a button in your head and its jammed.
You're constantly spewing chemicals all over the place
and they change colour very easily too.
You enjoyed the little moments,
a little too much and
the clouds above and the rain that falls from them
all upset you, inside out.
Then you feel all weak again,
and write lines that you hide
while hiding naked in your shell
that covers a little,
but little will the world ever know
what you would say
when you gave away the only towel that you ever owned.

Somethings amiss and you'll never know it.
Ignorance is one thing, but not knowing is glorious.
You'll never know that something could fit in
to the places you saw full.
you'll always wonder whats the weirdness in you
but your father wouldn't tell you,
and your mom wouldn't want you to know,
because the things you miss would only upset you
and the things you miss will be the little ones
the ones you always thought you would enjoy
a little too much.

You've left a window open, and the breeze will never stop.
You've let things get in and swoop around,
find the gaps between the crinkles and the wrinkles
of the heavy blanket wrapped around you;
and while you sleep they will creep in,
tickle and tease, making you nasty
and cold, when you finally wanna get up
and go piss it all out, but there would be none in you,
you've been too bitter in longing for what could be
that what exists might've left you
and all you want is another night of memories,
the little lines that you would remember,
when you sit naked on your folded blanket,
looking at the photos that aren't on your bedside,
thinking about the little moments that don't exist,
all because you left a tap open.

i never thought.

2010-07-30T13:26:00.004+05:30

And sometimes i think that's been a good influence in my life. "Any way the wind blows, it doesn't really matter to me", sang Zappa with a bit of music by Queen in the mid 70s and somehow i end up in a small cube in my head that takes me back to that very era.

I've wondered about my fascination with the 60s and the 70s and why they exist, but then a reel of images I've only seen and never experienced for myself fly in and out of my head and i get lost in my fascination again. Somehow, happy people in colorful clothes, singing, dancing and copulating under the influence of "mind altering" substances, which in reality just makes them more primal and child-like is a comforting thought to me. Today's ~~hardly~~ organized world with its tall buildings, busy roads with no pavements and cities textured with grime, dust and garbage isn't very appealing at all.

Why? Maybe because we don't give a shit about the pigsty we call home.

In all, one thing I've come to terms with is hypocrites. Oh, and spell-check. I like both of them, especially because one gives the impression of me being a better writer and the other gives me something to write about. The thing I've discovered lately is that hypocrites don't exist and i can't spell the god-damned word.

But, there is comfort. The kind of comfort that is too comfortable, making it almost awkward. This comfort comes in another ideology which is simpler to spell - phase. We've heard that one before and we're all criminals if it were a crime to have used it. "oh, that was a phase i was going through and the things i said back then were really immature and meaningless". Are you going through a phase now? the kind that'll make you say more immature and meaningless crap that will be negated when YOU have a cosmic revelation that you were just plain WRONG!?

I have a new problem nowadays, and its mainly because of what i write in this pixel estate that blogger has been kind enough to share with me. Friends and family come around and ask me why i wrote these things and who're they directed towards. Well, to clear the air, this is a space for me to express my views on random things like why there are fruits on my table, when i didn't ask for them and now that they're here i can't remember its name.

I feel a bit rotten now and its probably because I've been quite crude on this post, which by the way, blogger tells me is the 51st post on my blog.hmmm...nice. But, going back to feeling rotten, i wish i could make time for everything i want to make time for, but i don't because I'm probably doing something that seems more important. It probably is, considering I'm probably playing football in a friends' living room, thinking about what color the sky, the clouds and the alien should be too feel like its in complete harmony. works for me.

But this ones not about me. This ones about you. Well, honestly, you don't know who you are and I can't help you with that but there are times i ask wassup? and i really hope for a solid answer. Keep your jokes aside for that one, 'cos I'm doing my bit here.

No hugs tonight.

we are all made of stars

2010-07-24T23:37:00.005+05:30

Welcome, whores and pimps,
the ones who sell themselves or the world around.
i love you all and you probably don't,
is it because I've had a heart?
or maybe because I've shattered glass?

I'm calling you up tonight,
in the middle of your sleep.
Let me shout out some noises,
that don't make sense at all.
I want to trouble you now,
because i think i can.
i want you to hear me,
you are what you are.

I tear, i fart,
i sms a lot;
i laugh, i hurt and scream at
the eunuch that tries to exploit me
at the red light and you're riding
beside me, judging me, watching me, observing my response,
to the one that wants something for doing nothing,
and feels like it has no purpose at all,
i want to tell you now, that you and i aren't very
different, i'm sure we're both afraid of the dark mean
cloud of failure that looms near us all.

I want to tell you today,
that the vibes were fun.
I want to tell you today that this is not how it ends.
as much as you complained and trashed,
screamed at the torment and threw a tantrum at
some one or two;
you seem to have joined the crew
you say you hate the most.
the crew that drive you to
be who you are not,
the one that tells you whats right, whats wrong.
the crew that tells you what love is and what cannot be,
the one that tells you that fear is a virtue.
ARISE!motherfucker, speak your tongue.
forget your mother, your sister and the ones who said,
forget that teacher who taught you bad,
the day has come when you look beyond the dead.
look beyond the ones that lived,
and loved the land, for what it is and what it was
are two very different things.

look at yourself and tell me why,
why you gave in to a sweet lullaby
when and the candy nearby.
look at yourself ant tell me why,
why your knees went weak and why i was what i was,
nothing but a secondary thought.
Talk to yourself and tell me why,
why i can't feel the warmth again?

Moby is a nice guy. He bought me ice-cream and told me it'll all be alright. I asked him what would be alright and he said people in yellow pants is just plain WRONG but it exists, so anything that exists is probably wearing yellow pants.

In other news, magnets repel as well.

Before it slips

2010-07-16T14:18:00.006+05:30

Was it frost who said something about the path less taken? Hmmm... anyways the path less taken isn't a path never taken so you're bound to end up meeting someone who's taken the same road you have. Conversations are great. I think at the ground root of existence we somehow end up living for the stories we all have. And, did the past month and a half bring a lot of stories out. I've been wanting to document all of it or at the least blog it, but that hasn't happened till now. But, i figured that's what this blog has come to be - an account of all my conquests, ego battles and the shit that i step into from time to time.

Travellers.

The lovely miss blah hooked me up with this amazing travel company called Get Off UR Ass for a small video documentation affair. Now, when i first read the name of the company, i knew they meant business and the kind you've probably never seen. After i met them, i knew they were just that. They're a company that promotes travelling and nothing more. They make a few bucks out of it and that's as much about their business.

So, there i was with a half ton of tripod and camera, walking towards the foot of a hill and for the longest distance there was no distortion. The perfect overcast, hills in the right places(somehow they're always at the right places) and well, greenery everywhere. Beautiful weather and we continued to the camp-site. Imagine driving about an hour away from namma Bengaluru, to a minimally landscaped heaven - tents and amphitheatre attached. Fill up that place with some truly well-lived people, who probably have more real-life encounters to show and tell than your grandma could make up.

Once we were all settled in, it was pretty much an open forum. Somehow, it was very easy to connect with this lot. I've been to many gatherings and felt quite uncomfortable till i find my 'spot' with another lost soul to speak of the woes we behold, but not here. Add to the fact that my band was doing an acoustic set later in the evening for the lovely people there, i couldn't have asked for more.

Shooting throughout the day, interviewing these people who had so much to talk but refused to speak to a lens, smoking, drinking chai and absorbing the fresh air and the clean ambient sound just made it all so worth it.

The travellers' meet put just one thought in my head; one very enigmatic and optimistic question - what the fuck am i doing with life?

When you've met a guy who's travelled 16countries on a bike, or a diva who's gone around India on an RX-100 or even a bunch of techies who challenged themselves to visit 10locations in 15days on a budget of Rs. 1000/- that is all you'll be left with - that question and a whole lot of awe!

Dedication

All the travellers' told me one thing, "If you really WANT something, the entire world will conspire to bring it to you.". Now, if you know me, you'll know that's exactly the kind of shit i wouldn't give any attention to. But, this is different. This is probably the definition of hope.

Now that I quit my "job" at TiM and have started working as a freelancer, i've had to do the whole nine yards myself. Meeting clients, discussing work, bargaining, doing the work, delivering on time and running after them for the money. I'm not very good at bargaining so i get some of my friends to help me out with that.

The last deal that i cracked were with a bunch of Bangalorean Brothas. Hip-hop artists from the city who're releasing an album. I've never been a very big fan of this genre but i gave in to design their album cover the minute i heard they were looking for someone. I think it will be a good challenge for me. There's this bit of mud thrown around about rappers and djs and hip-hoppers that's been doing the rounds for a long long time now and that's possibly my lack of interest in their music. But, these guys have thrown everything they have to make it. Its art to them, its a source of income and they're really really dedicated to it. I haven't seen this kind of dedication in most rock/metal bands and clearly they're the ones throwing all that mud around. Chuts.

Whatever happened to respecting another's art?

In-House

My room is in a transitory phase. Somewhere between a personal space, an office, a studio of sorts and a lab. I like to call it a lab because i like experiments. Work is good and i like the face that there's a personal project going on apart from all the other work.

A quickie at Hampi

If you really want to know how awesome it is to be Indian, go to Hampi. The wonder of the Vijaynagar Empire stands to this day, in all its glory with no graffiti or lovers' names on it. Although the irritating signature of the un-aesthetic Indian Tourism board is evident, you might just let it pass. The people are humble and friendly. Most of them speak Kannada, Hindi(probably as good as mine) and English with a very entertaining accent. They're the kind of people who understand you, want to help you and take a chance to make a little money of you. But the latter isn't their first priority although it seems like in the start.

When we reached Hospet by train and got out of the station, we were followed by a hoard of auto-drivers, all very enthusiastic about taking us to the bus-stop or Hampi or to a hotel for breakfast, wherever we wanted basically. But they gave us our space. Speaking to the chai walla(happened to be a Tamillian), we figured out the cheapest way to travel. Walk to Hospet Bus-stop, take a bus(6-9 bucks a ticket) or a share auto(12bucks a ticket). Once you're there, best to get across the river and take up a room in one of the guest houses. Rooms usually range between Rs. 150 to Rs. 800 depending on the season, the availability and even the mood of the owner.

After that its all up to you. You could just sit at the guest house and do nothing all day. or Get back across the river and cycle around to all the monuments. Although i would suggest you to walk because there's no means of transport that gives you that kind of mobility(especially when you're with a camera) but cycles and mopeds are pretty groovy too. Don't hesitate to ask anyone for direction. Even something as simple as, "Where's the best place to catch the sunset" will give you a few options to pick and choose from. Don't eat at the temple street and don't litter.

When the planets align, you will hear the call.

The place will call you, and never otherwise.

Go when it calls, Mother never calls you twice.

Get back and tell your story, about your trip and your fall.

Crash.Boom.Bang.

2010-06-01T23:20:00.002+05:30

Sometimes, you get what you want. And then all hell breaks loose. The fire, the gore, the vomit, repeated death and maybe a little taste of love just so that you know how bitter everything really is.

I would want to get a nose-job at this point of time, just to get my confidence up a little and I'm not talking about the plastic kinds. But, that for moms and their daughters and not the dementor that haunts me. The kind of monster that does exactly what it doesn't want to. You've seen those really gay movies, where there's a monster and it kills people, but it actually doesn't want to and does it because there's a bigger monster that controls what it does and beats it when it doesn't kill people. So yeah, basically its something like that.

This entire situation reminds me of that brown poster with footprints on a beach, the kinds you find in waiting rooms of doctor shops. The one which talks about footprints and god and how there's only one footprint at bad times and god says something like i was carrying you at that time. Utter crap.

Well, i hate both of them. The monster movie and the god poster. To start with, it takes a victim to show the monster that its doing something it doesn't want to. And, the poster is just a fantasy. God might just be a lobbyist or a PR who's doing a bang-up job convincing you he was there when you needed him to be.

If you CHOOSE to sell your soul to the devil, why is it that you've sold it to god by default?

I digress. This isn't an atheist questions post. This might just be a generous exhibition for some, a form of entertainment. But, that's okay. Its only fair that you enjoy reading this, i mean there is kitty porn available you know. Just in case.

I'm used to criticism and usually agree because criticism is as much a form of expression as any art form is. What i cannot accept is criticism given out of frustration. Saint or sinner, everyone breaks at a point. It still does not give you the right to get away with what you're saying or doing. Whoever you are, wherever you are, i am not your doormat.

What surprises me is the way i handle myself at such situations. It really does surprise me. I can sit through an absolutely useless firing round and not say anything. I keep the mood for the rest of the day and not care. I'd really rather let you think you're better than me, you probably are in many ways but that still doesn't give you the right to ask me to change my beliefs, my attitude, my ethics, my religion, my toilet paper, the way i hold a pencil or the way i chase a mouse.

I wish you the best. goodnight.

"No one talks more passionately about his rights than he who in the depths of his soul doubts whether he has any."

- Freidrich Nietzche

here's to the gifted

2010-05-23T14:57:00.002+05:30

There are those few who get everything they want home delivered. And all they ask for is more things home delivered. they play it like a silent fart and squeeze their ways into other peoples noses even if they don't want to and somehow convince them they smell really nice. Somehow these people get what they want. which usually is more of what they already have.

There's a constant battle in my head for wanting a better life or for wanting a more meaningful life. All this while i thought it were the same thing. Doesn't seem so anymore. Although, i could be satisfied with giving up everything i'm doing now and moving towards living better, i feel that even thats a struggle. Similarly worse is wanting to make this life mean something.

I'm soon going to be adding another year to my life while i crawl closer to the kind of responsibilities i should be selling my soul to. Some kind of satisfaction, a place to rest my skinny bum on and maybe a small little place that would house my broken easel.

But all this will take time, they say.

What i take from here is probably more than what i give out. and like i told my mom sometime back, "you're time to influence is done, now its time to sit back, relax and enjoy the trauma". and so we laughed.

sour fruit for the bored

2010-05-20T11:34:00.006+05:30

tear up my skin and throw it away,

let it rot because i don't care.

the mask i wear is the mask removed,

from time unkown i've been an honest fool.

Living in twilight, there is no day or night.

walls of flowers are often built for their thorns.

keep me out, in an infernal frame,

your metaphors seem more bitter than fond.

I did not know, you, i was wrong

i let you here, to know where i was.

its okay now, i'll deal with this house.

my walls can remain empty,

i'd rather fill them with lies.

lies to a liar make no truth a lie.

these lines i knot are write for you,

know it well, don't assume, don't presume.

it takes me time, to walk another mile.

weary and weak, i'm not sick of lies.

bake them well, don't waste them roots.

I'd tell you more, but this has to end.

Or begin if it must. Laugh at me now,

and spit at my woes. or bring me a friend

i would need to sacrifice again. Enough,

now tell me a lie, its more soothing in this world.

i cant fucking write happy poetry. misery is my muse so deal with it.

the death of death by the hands of death while death was a witness

2010-05-11T10:27:00.003+05:30

i'm delayed for work. this is when i get time to put out a blog now. As i wait alone at home for the call that'll give me the green signal, i can't help but wonder where the past few months have gone. kapoot.

Now, the only thing i keep telling myself is not to get lost in this roller coaster ride called time and not to forget the things that matter. I've heard of people giving up an entire decade to what they would call a career and then sobbing like a baby on their 30th or some such day that we give unnecessary significance to about how they missed out on all their friends' weddings and their parents' anniversaries. I've already missed a few birthdays and its getting harder for me to remember the ones that matter. I feel horrible about this shit.

Whats worse is people asking me, "oh so you don't even have time to send me an sms is it?". Well, i prefer meeting people rather than having a conversation with the phone screen. But the sad truth is that i've put myself in a little bit of complexity when it comes to that. What i love is very far away and rightly pissed off because love needs attention.

Sometime back when i wrote this i spoke about things that i love and how differently i love them. But thats not the way the world spins. At times like these i'm really trying to find a balance and there's this little voice inside me which is kicking and screaming and shouting and saying fuck the balance. As much as i've been listening to this voice for all this while, my commitments are warping.

22 is coming up and all i want is a bloody little heart to climb into and fall asleep in. But, I've never been one to get everything just because i want to because that would just be too easy.

if my words stood upside-down,

gravity would fail your feet,

smiling clouds would frown,

and things would skip a beat.

Somebody tape my hands to a paintbrush and lock me up in a house sitting on top of an underwater hill. oh muse.

the failure of success

2010-04-24T21:16:00.002+05:30

Number one is a myth. So are tasty donuts. I've eaten a lot of donuts but never found anything even remotely satisfactory. I've liked all of them though. And somehow unsatisfactory automatically translates to crappy. and crappy people can never be satisfied. its one thing to strive for perfection but its another to crib about what doesn't exist, especially when all you do is sit on you're ass.

I cant understand concepts of plagiarism, theft and back-stabbage. Also credit hogs. fucking chuts.

The people i've been interacting with claim to be propogaters of peace and mutual understanding/benefits. But really they're just being capitalists. whats worse is i trust people. its my fault really.

The only thing depresses me nowadays is the lack of tools in my reach. i stopped photography. my deviant art account is practically dead. I haven't blogged for the band. i haven't sat down with a guitar for a long time. i borrowed this laptop from a friend(who i'm extremely thankful to) to make some noise on garage band but i opened it to get a lot more depressed.

I want whiskey. I want to write and finish my book which is locked away in my laptop which is now busted but has its own hobby of collecting dust. hewlett packard bastards.

but i don't care today. it doesn't make any difference to me who steals my work and who takes credit for what they didn't do. i don't care if you came up to me randomly on the road and asked me to chop off my beard because its a symbol of wisdom and old age in your religion. I don't care if you live or love. i don't care because death doesn't exist and neither does your fucking competition.

I don't care because i'm content and happy. I'm happy because i want to leave this incomplete.

the distance

2010-03-20T01:10:00.002+05:30

will tread along the paths i will take. i need no form or shape. there are paths i've crossed in to lead me to worse off places. these are the stories that will engrave a story in your mind and make you want to throw me down a flight of stairs. You'd want to see me down on the floor, sprawled like an ant that got squished by a falling drop of Love Sex Destruction.

might not be the same every time, but its windows would droop down to a stoned butterfly flipping and flapping around the same room. they will run to the moon and howl at the earth for being so blue.

will remain. but its okay.

fade to

2010-03-19T17:11:00.003+05:30

I've been stuck between things. There have been too many choices coming up and too many possibilities. but there are things that others have already chosen for me which i can't seem to change.

Backing up a few weeks, i realize how i was an outsider in gokarana. I wasn't a firang, but i wasn't a local either. it put me in quite a fix because the local merchants would try to fleece me and the firangs weren't too sure if they wanna know me.

In bangalore, which has been my permanent address i've been an outsider. Auto drivers talk to me in hindi and when i reply in kannada they seem surprised. I'm not a welcome guest at a lot of fancy fucking places either. i don't blame them either, because they expect the kind who'd order and not think of the bill but i ain't one of those. I tip waiters who don't remember my order, i tip the ones who spill my grape juice. the ones who're extra sweet to me usually get nothing more then a smile.

The only ones who seem to love me are the parking lot attendants and the ones selling pirated dvds on the road sides.

Love. haha. stuck between the wisest choices and the worst vices i've come to a phase of instability. I am in love and it feels great. But i am also a genuine fuck up so not everything goes as you'd expect it to. But the one thing i seem to know for good is who i love. I've always credited that to myself. Guess i better start working on keeping it together.

Professionally, a lot of plans are brewing. Its been three months after i'm done with my diploma and i still don't have a job. I'd been looking forward to teaching animation but i don't think that's happening. Although i'm doing pretty good with the freelance work, team work is what i crave for. Brainstorming and all that cool stuff. Something is happening and i hope things go in the right direction.

I feel horrible. Weak, weary and tired. Although the thought of food still plays heavenly tunes in my head, the sight of it fails me. I've not been able to eat very well and the smokes aren't helping in any way. I think my sleeping patterns are to blame.

so it seems that although i feel happy, there are a lot of things that i need to fix. think i'll begin with the bad use of english in the post- the lack of punctuations and others.

Travelling

2010-03-02T19:44:00.002+05:30

Well, i did a bit of travelling around new years and was keeping notes to work on and write a proper whatever about my journey, but now i'm too uninterested and lazy to do so. Hence, i'm putting up the notes as is. Thinking about it, i forced myself to write the bits i did when i reached Gokarna up until i decided to stop writing it altogether.

So here it is, raw and unedited -

Day 1-

Sights of ppl crashin into each other-waitin for bus-helpful co-passenger-traffic jam-hindi movie-passed out-dinner-Juby-bed bugs-insomnia.

Day 2-

breakfast-coffee wit too much sugar-hindi movie again-passed out-hills all aroun-heat-slow driver-lunch stop-plans for score-late-hungry-50bucks for t shortest auto ride-aptt for a hostel-scored done-a crippled dealer who sat wit his family an his house smelled of pot-eshan-unlawful drive back-eshans pad-lunch-kp-german cafe-lil ship-red gowns-jazz sheesha cafe-mangalore talks-back to eshan's-aneesh arrives-drunk stoned an phone calls-cadillac records-sleep.

Day 3-

instructions for t house-awake-walk to e square-ship an gay boy-bengali lunch-mom talks to ship-shop liftin lik a pro-up t hill-photographs an pot-stoned an walkin on a hill-t pyramid-jumpin off a cliff-gay boys orgasm-climbin down in search of milkshake-food-panic attacks ship-walk to e-square-beer-sleep.

Day 4

late awakening-kp alone-german cafe-long walk to smoke pot-return to german cafe-stoned conversations-walkin-jazz sheesha cafe-lot more walking-kfc-shoplift-lot more walkin-catapault this-long walk-hostel tht looks lik an aprt-second goodbye-auto back home-food,movie an sleep.

Day 4

puke-shitty dinner-lot more vomit-rest-aum hospital-take it in t ass-fruits-rest-electral water-starvation thru t night-t snoring midget-vodka shots an walls of text-t trip DOWN memory lane.

Day 5

sunrise from t bus-breakfast!-finally some food-love for rivers an t houses next to them-mangalore-auto love-sahas' house-joint ventures-pabbas on an rx 100-fruit salad wit ice-cream-back home-stoned-new yrs-fireworks-bong hit no.1-an many more-blown-sleep.

Day 6

awake-beach plans-bong hit-breakfast-ride to t beach-chillin out-striptease-t water-teachin trick photography-pabbas-home-shower-bong-lunch-sleep-beach-10mins of football-back home-shower-tired-dinner-pot-friends come in-pot-sleep.

Day 7

too late for train-next plan-pot-train station-tickets-sahas' adda-lunch-acid score-on t train-t doors of seating-new old friends-pot on board-best train ride ever-gokarna road-traveller to t city-withdrawal-dmd chink-kudle without home-varsha love-kudle welcomes us home-beer-varsha's disaster-t lack of pot-raghav-play t music til t end of t night-passing out.

Days in gokarna

sleepin 5ppl on 1bed-wakin up-hangin aroun an eatin-freddy etc arrive-walk to town-shoplifting-walk in the dark to kudle accompanied by strangers with torches-everyone drops acid-alone i hit the sack-shashi pachi mama an jan arrive in the morning-walk in-

a state of mind

2010-02-05T01:51:00.007+05:30

Its around that time when you pick up the mop and

sweep away all the remains of the clock that broke the

night you woke up. Take the stand and say it isn´t so.

Be the person you hate and live it up like there´s no

tomorrow. You could always say, in another life it

would be different. But then you have to sell your

soul one day, to love, to passion, to country or to a

room with a name on your door.

Thats not what its about is it?

Its about something more. No. Its about nothing. its

about now and its about tomorrow. Its about

flying kites and magnifying glasses. Its about seeing the

details before it fades away. Its abut cuts and bruise and

probably even a fractured limb. Most often people will give it

to you. other times its an accident.

But what is it really about?

Not about love and all that trash. its above

the only commonness of that and passion. It not about sex or

foreplay or death. Its about the names and the tags and

what cannot be. Its not about you, its me. Its about bad

guys and being mean. its about not noticing the

ring and being alone.

So, it is about something familiar?

Lifting spirits and a higher consciousness. About ego

thrashing and a demand for flight. But all that should

be illegal in a few years.

shit hits this tis

2009-12-24T01:32:00.007+05:30

I've only ever posted one poem on this blog and that was a downer. No one ever told me poetry could be happy. Its never been. No matter what the tone is or who's boobs we're talking about, its not.

the rain will fall,
and you'll drive alone.
the radio will shit on you
and frogs will bunk exams
on the worst day of your life.

People will piss on you
with happy music all night long,
the doves will disintegrate while
you get a notion of sickness
on the worst day of your life.

you'll look away from the faces
and speak to your dad drunk
while he puts you on hold
and then turn on the loudspeaker for everyone to hear
on the worst day of your life.

What troubles you will be beyond you
since your mind is numb
from the pale green smoke
of your burning music
on the worst day of your life.

On the worst day of your life
you'll tell yourself you should've
climbed up the wall;
you should've
killed the cat;
you should've walked across the gate
and peed all over that grave;
bury the chapter and call it a day.

But on the worst day of your life,
you'll find the whiskey weak
and the beedis will speak,
they'll scream in sorrow and say
"aiyo, life-ey jeevna agoitu boss"'

Be sad now.

Four 50 paises

2009-10-08T22:12:00.003+05:30

I seem to be stuck in a loop. A loop that spans a large timeframe, almost leading up on years and this blog is what has made me realize that.

9 years into the new century and we're part of a new generation. the "I" generation. Everything seems to be surrounded by it - iPhone, iPlay, iLike, iDon'tGiveADamn and so on. The level of individual thinking, the level in which media caters to the individual is at a high and is only growing. People don't think collectively and still speak about concepts of teams and groupwork. Its a sad state when everyone is so self-centered and yet claim to be a team-player.

Don't get me wrong here, i have no issues with being self-centered. I bask in the love of being my own boss and doing what i want. Why shouldn't i? Why shouldn't you? After all, no matter who you go to bed with you are going to fall asleep alone, dream alone and wake up alone. You're going to take a crap alone and its true noone will ever really know how you feel.

As we briskly ride into a comfortable new world order of the concept of "you", "me" and "I"; i'd request you to take a small step out of your body and look around. A breather, if you'd like to call it that.

I don't want to tell you what to do when you decide to take this breather. Its your time. And no matter how much of the iFever you have, you'll realize that you've had the least amount of time to yourself.

The iGen is not about you. Its about them. The ones who tell you that you are what matters, the ones that tell you that you are what everything is about.

Corporations have pissed me off and more. Their polite way of saying "what you bought a coupla months ago is not being used anymore and you need to buy something new", really annoys me. Well, all that has done is made me more of a pirate. More of a DIY kinda guy. I don't want to depend on them. No matter what high level of quality they're willing to offer, they can't offer the personal touch i can. They can't even come close to making me feel so personal.

I've known people to be in love with their phones and bikes and cars and guitars and what not. But, I've also known people who've built these things from scratch and nothing can replace that. Its the most unique thing.

In all of this, my experiments with psychedelics have brought me to a higher level of understanding my senses, accepting my surroundings and understanding human behaviour. We're a species full of reasoning. We like to satisfy our curiosity by creating reasons and justification.

We're a species that is eternally looking for a high - a Dopamine high.

If you look up Dopamine, you'll get several medical papers and journals where people will tell you complex trash like its a neurotransmitter that affects the brain. But, in simple terms, Dopamine release makes you happy and happiness is a high. Some people are genuinely happy all the time because of higher dopamine levels in their brain. Some people need to be under the influence of because of lower dopamine levels.

What enhances the levels of dopamine? The same thing that enhances happiness - sex, drugs, rock 'n roll, food, music, company of people, driving a race car, writing a paper on neurology, winning, murder. Its different for different people and that is because our brains function differently.

My point is that EVERYONE is just trying to get high. Deal with it and go make yourself happy. The iGen is about making yourself happy so go ahead and do that.

We've travelled through the years,
into hell and back,
through still waters and fierce storms.
We've travelled through the years,
in the quest for joy.

and the drama continues

2009-09-15T22:47:00.007+05:30

Three years ago i started something. Ironically, i got a bike that day. I began to fall in love with two very magnificient things on the same day and it felt like nothing. All i felt was anxious. Yes, the same pang you feel before a journey to a new place feels. If you know me well enough, you'll know that i don't emote feelings like "surprise" or "excitement"; but I do emote much milder variants of the same.

So, I started. Wheels moved on and my love for these have changed. What began as a magnificent journey continued to be a ride on Indian roads. If you have ever been on a road trip in India, you will know that somewhere between the cows, speed-breakers, pot-holes(rather crators), road construction/repair work, towns, villages and heavy motor vehicles there is a long, smooth stretch of road. And these two journeys were no exceptions. The biggest complain I have, obviously, is the lack of the long stretches of road. Lifes a Bitch, I know.

Love as you know can get very passionate. It can also be "just there", waiting for you to come home to it. This is how both my affairs were. One, I was extremely passionate about and the other waited for me to come home to it. If I said that life has been unfair to me, i would be an asshole...or a publicist.

My passion grew drastically for almost two and a half years. I seemed to have forgotten family and friends for large periods of time. I forgot sundays and public holidays didn't seem to exist. I was then termed a machine. Machines take a beating and you know all about friction and stress, but what you don't know is about the bad users. Being abused day in and day out, I continued to be passionate. Why? Love, I guess.

Then I pushed further and created a gift. A small token to give to my love. I crafted and detailed everything. I planned and designed and stayed up nights. I made the people involved work like me, like a machine. But, what i forgot was that you only love something that reflects you in some or the other way. My love, could not emote very well.

Even that didn't matter to me. I was left alone by the people who tried to help me out for good. Outcast by the world around me. Maybe they could not understand my love. Maybe they did and thats why they left. But, it still hurt.

Three years later, I'm left all alone. My passion still rages on. But, the love has changed. There are times when you know you've done enough. You've fought for something hard enough. Thats when you count your losses and move on. Thats when you know that love is gone.

Hope is fucked up.

Audiences world over have become accustomed to a happy ending. So, here's mine -

The weels keep turning and I'm glad I have the love i can return to. Though I feel cheated and defeated, i'm glad I can still ride into Orion's belt and smile.

in pursuit of muse-ic

2009-06-23T17:56:00.003+05:30

Its been a while since i held a brush. Although i did drink half a litre of milk yesterday and ate curd-rice for dinner. A lot of curd-rice. I have a friends camera with no batteries in it sitting next to me and in a frame, i think it captures me the best right now.

Seemingly enough i have been called impatient and shameless(not in the same context though) quite a number of times the last week. I also discovered a whiskey buzz that lives with you like a shadow can be quite heart-breaking.

Sentimental. Emotional. Human. Adjectives that were far away from me have been attached to me quicker than any file you've ever uploaded.

In a place I searched for refuge, i found my friend insomnia. I also recieved an encrypted letter yesterday and from as much as i could decipher Bob is probably dead. I found that stumbling through pages on myspace has helped my remorse. The letter also said that peace can be found in the heart of the bermuda triangle and the ships that were lost there were not attacked by terrorists.

In other news, people are taking my looks seriously and are approaching more and more for drugs of all kinds. It does hurt when they say they have everything else and they come to me fot a nothing but a chemical high. But, then again fuck you and thank you for being so dramatically uninspiring.

words and wisdom

2009-06-20T18:20:00.007+05:30

we're living in a painted forest. Starving, the hungry search the grounds, for mind over matter has been the talk. Can you believe it's easier to find narcotics than have a proper conversation?
used and be used. I'm your only high.
What soothsayers have said, only suits the dead. are they gone?are they gone?the arc is gone. who dares question the band beyond?
did you know narcotics make a conversation free? that freedom was in a box that was never set free?

More distortion

2009-06-10T21:13:00.004+05:30

The past four times we talked
the two of you fought.
The past four time you spoke
my absence was in question.

The past two times we went out
i was more alone than ever.
The past two times i smoked
i hoped i wouldn't be caught.

The past we never talk about
and he leaves when we do.
The past he's afraid to think about
'cause it was me he didn't know.

The last time I smiled
was when you two blew out my candle.

A poem called "Family time" by me.

Mind over?

2009-06-10T17:20:00.002+05:30

Well, it's been a long journey. I turned 21 recently and at some point every year i turn nostalgic and think about random memories and jump from one to another seamlessly.

Helplessly hoping
Her harlequin hovers nearby
Awaiting a word
Gasping at glimpses
Of gentle true spirit
He runs, wishing he could fly
Only to trip at the sound of good-bye

-by Stephen Stills, Gold Hill

Today, has been such a day. Everyone has spoken about finding memories or keeping them alive. But, we've all moved on. Yes, you too. Bob is absconding and I cannot picture myself growing up in the neighbourhood i live in now. About a year ago i was writing about Social Hippocracy. Today, i don't care.

Today, i read a poem about prostitution again.

Today, i need to be quiet.

I am lost in a womb of psychotic dreams and lanterns. I realize that there are small things that make me happy and my memories make me smile with a little and wonder what i will keep at the back of my head from today?

Would i ever remember the day i remembered?

For peace

2009-06-04T00:56:00.003+05:30

There is hope in countries that have lost a war. There is some joy in its people about the end of the war. Another storm will brew and the tea cup would break. Can a bird choose to stop flying and fall from the height it is at? Will it be fried by the time it hits the ground?

There is a machine you will fall in love with. It might vibrate and make a small bzzing noise or it might wash your clothes. Why did Shakespere talk to a skull? Was he as weird as DaVinci? Would you eat a sawed-off hand, if you were locked in a room with it for a couple of hours? Will you enjoy it?

There is time for everything in this world. Even time to complain about the lack of time. Can you balance jell-o on a roosters head? Would its eggs be soggy? And do pornstars really orgasm?

Never let your friends go to bed on a hungry stomach. And never ask a musician to stop while he/she plays. Thank you Woody Allen.

New age

2009-05-24T17:58:00.004+05:30

"there must be some kinda way outta here"

-Bob Dylan,

from "all along the watch tower"

If I was born in the mid-40's, I would've lived to be a hippie or dead at the age of 27. I might've peddled drugs, sold a lot of paintings and photographs and would've made films in 35mm. I would've lived my best years in the 70's and the 80's. I would've known the gods and the world for its commercial turn-around. the time when advertising kicked into a new era and sell-outs were okay only if they sold their souls for rock n' roll.

If i was born in the mid-40's, i'd be old. Very very old. 20 years older than my dad actually. Speaking of which, the old man turns 50 in June. Mucho respect senor. I only wish I was earning now so i could throw him a big-ass party. Mom is making up for it with a trip to the north-east. So, the old mans all set and good to go. Typical man of his age with his BP and Sugar problems multiplied by the square glasses he wears. He's still the handsome boy in his office with the aunties always after him, trying to make my mother jealous but that won't work.

Quite an eventful time coming up, I turn 21 soon and I don't feel very good about it. By choice, i refuse to celebrate it. I don't feel like. What i do feel like is escaping. I am feeling claustrophobic and would like to leave and escape my life for a while. I remember resting on the rock in goa, that's something i'd like to do.

What else I'd like to do is write. I have been writing quite a bit and have been annoying a fellow blogger and good (older) friend with my writing. She has her own issues going on and they're quite the big issues but, she takes her time to read my work and it feels good when she does give me a sound whiplash in her reviews. Thank you PLEEEAAAASE.

I've to confess, I enjoy the company of anonymity. I have made acquaintence with someone online. I refuze to acknowledge any sort of identification and refuse to digest any information i chance upon. She knows all about me. I know of her age and what she does. Not her name. Its a relaxed friendship, yet impersonel. Its a lot of conversation, a lot of ranting and some flirting. But, without a name. It seems sleazy and improper, ("but thats how i roll motherfuckers??", Bob questions.) but it is comforting, not personal.

So, with wish to have been a real hippie in the era of gods, a father who turns 50 soon and an awesomely profound (older)friend, a random girl online and charcoal in my hand i ask you, what makes you feel old? What makes you feel you've grown? What makes you experienced? Is it the number of calenders you've trashed, the miles you've travelled or the number of stories you can tell?

What makes 21 an important birthday and why the fuck should my birthday be happy?

"I don't belong here"

2009-05-16T02:48:00.003+05:30

I hate malls. The entire concept of it is a little appalling to me and i just don't seem to understand that. Unified string theory seems more interesting. These are massive building with shops and food joints and cinemas and parking lots, all of which are preposterously over-priced. I've entered malls very few times in my life and they've been a last-resort-type visit. There's nothing good about a mall and i've made my mind about it.

But, today was a different experience. I walked in with a guitar(and some other friends with guitars), climbed straight up the floors to a cafe, met this cool organizer dude and played a show. An acoustic show at that.

So, the past coupla weeks have been all jam jam jam and smokes of course. Although it was good times i was missing alcohol more than anything else. what strikes me the most is that i had enough money for food, booze and smokes a few years ago but not now. I have to pick and choose and quite easily i'll blame the government for that. 4 years ago, a quart of rum was Rs. 28/- and now its close to Rs. 45! The cigarettes aren't cheap either. What i smoke cost me Rs. 25 a pack back then an now its Rs. 34. And you're thinking, what 20 bucks hike on your expense isn't a lot. But, you forget that food prices have gone up as well. At a dabha on the side of the highway, i would pay 35bucks for a plate of biryani. Now i pay 60 for it and the quantity is lesser.

But, i like playing sober. It's not a very rockstar thing to do, but then again i'm no rockstar. Just a wannabe hippie.

We have a new member, Nithin Sadhu. Fresh out of rehab and almost as clean as a whistle. We're trying to get Jaydev, a would-be Syd Barrett of our times in my perception and of course it's going to be a little difficult to coax our absconding drummer Puneeth back but we have Abhinav who is an excellent option. So, lot of plans on that scene and they don't look very promising. I think i'd just like to continue going down to that mall every 2 weeks once, climb my way to that coffee shop, pull up a chair and play an acoustic guitar but every band has dreams and i'd like to very much be a part of it.

We've outgrown ye olde band name and now would like to be called "drones from the turbine", kinda messed up I've to admit.

And, i'm feeling nothing. yes I don't have any emotion and maybe that's because i don't have a shiny red sports car.

All I got is the blues.

Incomplete

2009-05-08T23:07:00.003+05:30

There are times when we all need to make the choice to be "the bigger person"; the times when we count our losses and move on. But that's all ball-talk. It's to feel mature and seem in control of the situation. It's not. It's just an excuse to give to a choice you make. We all retrospect about these chances and think "what if..." but are never able to answer that question.

That's a power that we all forget about. And, some of us abuse it a little too much. The power to question. we lead on for very long in a happy zone not answering questions we never asked. "oh no laddie, that ones not for me" Suck it up.

You meet someone, you like them, you talk you get along, you go home, you sleep. you continue and it's all fine. you plan outings, you get along. you get comfortable. standards are set and there are expectations. Oh yes, you expect someone to be late, you expect them to live off you and you expect things. what happens when someone fails these expectation? That's when the shit hits the fan("shit and hits have the same alphabets", Bob).

You either do what peopele from the 70's do, forgive and forget(the person) or you do what todays' generation does; update your status messege on your favorite social networking website.

What people don't recognize is the importance of failure. They surely fail to give people a second chance as well. "oh he's been to rehab, he's a junkie! bring out your pitchforks!", what makes it worse is that that dialogue might just be coming from a person who's been to rehab.

It doesn't sicken me. There're enough NICE people in this world to compensate. But, then again i've had enough of good times with the "others" be judgemental. It's a lesson learned for me. Should know when to walk away and when to give somethin a second chance... for everything else there's Led Zeppelin.

Here's the music video followed by the lyrics of Good times, Bad times:

In the days of my youth
I was told what it was to be a man,
Now Ive reached the age
Ive tried to do all those things the best I can.
No matter how I try,
I find my way to do the same old jam.

*good times, bad times,
You know I had my share;
When my woman left home
With a brown eyed man,
Well, I still dont seem to care.

Sixteen: I fell in love
With a girl as sweet as could be,
Only took a couple of days
Till she was rid of me.
She swore that she would be all mine
And love me till the end,
When I whispered in her ear
I lost another friend.

* chorus

I know what it means to be alone,
I sure do wish I was at home.
I dont care what the neighbors say,
Im gonna love you each and every day.
You can feel the beat within my heart.
Realize, sweet babe, we aintt ever gonna part.

Piddling on the roof

2009-03-01T01:39:00.010+05:30

caw caw caw....
caw caw caw....

Apart from the fact that i woke up to that sound,that is what this post is going to sound like.

To begin with, at a time when India celebrates the "Indian quotient" that is Slumdog Millionaire there are idiots out there wondering if India is still in that condition. Forget the absolute injustice at the Oscars where it was recognized a little too much, the celebrators completely forgot that the script shows how self-centered the game-show host is, how there is no chance a for improvement or growth here and how a person stuck in a class will be stuck there if not for a tremendous stroke of luck(such as a game show). Yes, there is heavy fanaticism here. But, NO, we are all not still in that condition. Haven't you noticed how, as you put it, we're stealing your jobs and more?

No, this wasn't about that movie. It was I would've gone on about how similar the cinematography is to "City of God" and how "Aamir" or "A Wednesday" deserved more recognition. I'm not even saying that I didn't like it. I did.

This was to say that while we celebrated our culture of mistrust, vandalism, riots, illiteracy, beggary, enforced child prostitution, corruption, poverty and class differentiation in the movie, we forgot that we are STILL FACED WITH THE SAME SODDING ISSUES!

WE HAVE TOO MANY BLOODY INSECTS IN THIS COUNTRY TO BE CELEBRATING A DOCUMENTARY ON THE VARIETY OF THEM.

We still have electricity problems. The Chief Minister of the state has conveniently stated to the newspapers that we shall continue to have these problems till 2012 and there nothing we can do about it.

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU THE BLOODY CHIEF MINISTER OF THE STATE OF YOU ARE GIVING UP SO EASILY?!

We have unemployment. The IT boom hit and they said, its not good for the country. That bad deed to the country employed a very very large population of the country. Recession hasn't helped off late and NOTHING has been done about it.

Karnataka's previous chief minister Kumaraswamy held up the BMIC project to no-end. They would just not sanction anything for its development and when they went out of power the supreme court easily sanctioned everything and within no time everything was back to work. Did you want all the land there sir? Or was it already yours?

The current government had everything going for it. I mean, this was the youth's favorite government all of a sudden and then you created ruckus by almost completely abolishing any form of nightlife fun. Dancing in a place that served alcohol was illegal, live performances of musicians in a place where alcohol was being served was abolished. Live musical acts in itself were abolished for a while, as they were considered live bands which is the term used for strip bars in the IPC. Why isn't there accurate terminology in for such things? The reason given to all this was security. It was something which we didn't completely buy but it was something we could digest because there were attacks all over India.

WOMEN WERE ATTACKED FOR BEING IN A PUB DURING LUNCH!
This is something beyond my understanding. These women did not look like prostitutes or strippers. They were average women, in average tops and jeans having their time at a pub with a few friends. But, they were beaten ruthlessly for not being cultured!

FROM WHEN IS IT INDIAN CULTURE TO BEAT UP WOMEN SO SEVERELY IN PUBLIC?
FROM WHEN IS IT HUMANITY TO DO SO?

And, when there is an uproar against these idiots for doing so, this stupid women who is a director of some sorts in the state women's federation comes with a comment such as, "those girls deserved that and more". It makes me sick to even think that these people have mothers or sisters or are capable of having daughters.

Who are these people? I am not going to advertise them on my blog. They are the spineless sons of turd. I have but one solution for these bastards is :

download large image here

What makes all of this the worst is the supreme court of India. Our great countries' top justice has just declared that bloggers can be arrested and jailed for expressing their views on such issues. A 19year old citizen of Kerala has just been arrested for blogging about how much he hates one of these activist groups. Whatever happened to our fundamental right to freedom?

We protest. We hold rallies, we have discussions, the media makes their money from this, we paint, we draw, we sing and we cuss. What happens? Nothing. No one does anything and life goes on.

Do we just pack up and leave all this misery? Or do we stand up, take a beating and fight it out?

The former seems like a good idea. But, the chances of that other place you leave to becoming like that is highly possible. That's what your forefathers did, so did mine. I'm not willing to go. But I'm not willing to sit around and go down the drain along with my country as well.

what me,human?

2008-12-13T03:26:00.005+05:30

a friend of mine i'd met after a long time asked me one of his rare questions. He generally quizzes me with questions that come under the "random" catagory and as always i would ask him why he asked me so. Every single time his answer has been the same, probably will be forever too.

"just checking if you're human dude"

That's his answer. Always.

I confess, I haven't been very human. I'm amused by melodrama. I dislike the concepts of festivals. I cannot comprehend celebration and I haven't cried in a long long time. but I do feel pain, I love, I enjoy certain simple pleasures and I like to put myself at the end of everything.

Is that what makes me human? I know its not just the skin and bones. I also know its somewhere between the mind and soul. I also know that I don't know.

Fear. Yes, i've missed it.

I missed it when I saw a very good friend of mine behaving erraticaly in the ER of a hospital whilst he lay in his own pool of blood, unconscious.
I missed it when i pratically sat in the middle of a road without a divider(mind you, Bangaloreans aren't aware of the term "lane discipline"), just to take a shot for my film.
I missed it when i puked out blood along with other things when i had food poisoning.
I missed it when I had bilateral facial palsy i.e., facial paralysis of sorts.

but tonight i feel it. Its an annoying bother that is creating unnecessary imagery in my head. The kind that horror films nowadays portray. Its a kind of fear that you would feel if you coughed up blood when you think you're suffereing from a flu. I think its because i think it may be something worse than what i can imagine.

I think I'm feeling human again. o.O

Destroying Bengaluru....

2008-10-06T21:08:00.002+05:30

this is your captain speaking and i'd like to inform you that we are safely going to land in Bengaluru within the next 10 minutes. please fasten your seat-belts to gear up for your landing. I'd also like to inform you that LIVING is not allowed in this city so any plans you had of having a night on town should be removed from your head. Thanking you, I hope you had a good life.

Tsk Tsk Tsk. What have you done Bengaluru? Have you made the biggest mistake for Bangalore...oops, Bengaluru? I do agree that you are in a tight spot with terrorism et all but even they relaxed out in Bangalore. Those 6 blasts were really not meant to kill anyone I'm sure. Just that woman got unlucky. I'm not supporting terrorism but it just doesn't make sense. On what grounds have you made life BORING for the youth of this city. We aren't the ones you should be fighting. We're the ones who'd support you. Stand up and tell us that there's a terrorist in our neighborhood and we'll catch the infidel and deliver him to your doorstep. When we can organize rallies and parties and rock-shows and what not i'm sure we can direct the workers in building better roads.

We work night shifts to make sure our projects are submitted on time. I'm sure if you give us the right opportunity we would definitely help you out on the nights we aren't working.

WHY HAVE YOU BUILT A WALL AROUND YOURSELF AND ALIENATED THE PUBLIC FROM YOU?!

We are not your enemies. We're just fun loving people. We like our drink and smoke and dance and song. We like foriegn bands visiting us. We are very hospitable.

Then why ban everything? We accepted the 11:30pm curfew. But a little revolt and you banned everything? Where's the empathy? Its the citizens who've put Bengaluru on the world map and now that the world comes knocking on our doorstep we make ourselves look like a nursery for babies. No this, No that, Don't go there, Don't do that.

When religious processions and Navratri can be celebrated at any decibel level in the middle of the night you provide security. Why cant you do that for us on normal days. We aren't making prostitutes of our women. We aren't being obscene. We're just trying to relax.

Join us and we'd be honoured.

aaah...this is how it is!

2008-09-25T18:15:00.003+05:30

Well you see it in the movies.
you see it around you.
you read it in the papers.
and most definitely it is the talk of the town.
then you sit back and wonder,
wonder "WHAT IF IT HAPPENS TO YOU?!!"
("cut the suspense already", says bob.)

Well I'm not talking about all the violence around but the next best gossip - Love.

I didn't know how it happened. I expected time to freeze or a slap at least. But I just didn't know. and I guess thats the thing about it. It feels nice and more but it makes you feel like it should - like you. nothing changes really, you do your thing and life is as it is, you have your ups and downs, your highs and lows and its the same.

And THAT feels good. A very integral part of life just sprung upon you and enhanced what already existed and did not give you a make-over.

brilliant.

Senior Citizen

2008-05-14T23:58:00.003+05:30

Enough cursing the bad roads and the pollution and the pitfalls of namma Bengaluru. As, humans we're programmed for one thing if not anything, imperfection. Yes, as much as we strive to achieve perfectionm we are proprtionately achieving imperfection. It's plain human nature.

Now, i believe that this happens to keep things interesting.

So, there we were, absolutely annoyed by all the traffic, trying veryhard to get back home, taking as many by-lanes and detours possible to avoid the sudden manic rush of the night. It wasn't even saturday. But the traffic was terrible. And on this one particularly messed up road made of concrete, instead of tar, this god forsaken road (literally, 'cause there's a temple and a mosque on the same road at about a 100m distance) we were riding down, watching the people walk by us. wasn't something i was enjoying as i was sitting on quite a nice bike and going nowhere.

My friend and pillion-rider questioned why there are no cops attending to the by-lanes of this road. I asked him to wait a while. i KNEW that a small interesting incident is upon him. I'd witnessed the spectacle a few weeks back while riding home alone on the same road.

As we rode on there he was, extremely ditermined and focused, this middle-aged man, maybe in his late 40's pr 50's,standing in the middle of the road directing the flow of traffic. Screaming an' shouting at all those who wouldn't listen to him.

I'd seen this man before and I'd ridden by that road on many occassions, but i only saw this man when the trafficis most messed up. No ordinary Indian citizen this man.He climbs up the respect ladder very quickly in my books.

On this day, my friend decides to go thank the man for his efforts, but our citizen almosts shuns it away because he's too busy directing the traffic.

Is he polite? Nope, not at all. No one would listen to him otherwise.

Does he get anything out of this? Yes, Hyper-tension and probably pollution-related ailments.

Yeah. I know what you're thinking. If only people like him ran this country....

Bob wants to kill all the lazy idiots pretending to run the country. I urge anyone else with similar patriotic sentiments to join him, form a cult and be branded as terrorists.

Social Hippocracy

2008-03-19T23:25:00.002+05:30

" Man is a social animal", this is what my social studies text book in school said. More recently, a celebrity cow doctor, Dr. Batawdekar, also used the same words only more commercially and to a large extent it is true.

I agree with it. Or do I? Hmmm, I'm not sure of that.

You see, i'm in a bit of a dilemma. Thing being that we all like to mingle and meet people. We all like to live with other people (and animals too, Bob would like to think of the lonely old women who live with cats) and interact with them. stand in line with them, get stuck in traffic jams with them and even get laid randomly. There's no denying it. BUT, then again there's a dirty thing called a leader.

Now I'm not very good with history but as far as I go, anyone who's known by more than 10,000 people worldwide and has something to say automatically becomes a leader. Its a "fame"ous person (Bob has a moment of epiphany and realizes now, why he never wants to be famous) basically. But these leaders end up splittin up things or rather "organize" people into groups and thats where the text book kinda gets screwed up.

Groupism is an old plague invented by man, that devouvers the intellect greatly and usually ends up causing death in large numbers. And its got a lotta pseudonyms similar to drugs.

Racism, caste, creed, religion, country, state, language etc.

Not only have these terms been hyped, used, abused, protested-against and banned it still remains and grows. How am i so sure of this? Read the papers, watch a movie, describe your friend to a stranger and you'll know the answer.

Who is to blame? No one.

Ourselves? Nope.

Tradition? Nope.

Leaders? Nope, they're just capitalists.

Then whom? I already said it, No one. By blaming someone we're again dividing ourselves into groups of "blamers" and "blamees" and thats the last thing we should be doing. Splitting ourselves again.

After all this i think, "man is a social animal"......lets agree on it and enjoy that.

(Bob still thinks i'm a hippie!)

Buzzed

2008-03-04T00:50:00.002+05:30

Three films.

Two guides.

One team.

I'm Gone.

So, i'm screwed. Like thats never happened before. I won't say i'm enjoying it but i won't say i'm not. My faith in the elusive 'karma-cycle' has somewhat been re-instated. Its only logical that whatever is happening has to happen because of you and what you do today will have an affect on you tomorrow. So, why fight it.

It is common that someone who loves coffee would enjoy it chilled, warm and also cold (though i can't say the same about beer). And, one can't really point a finger at someone for not having done their duty. Hell, who know's what ones duty is?

I do.

Ha! Funny how i always wondered why they say that phrase at weddings. But, then again i find it funny to see a man trying to chase a kittin in the middle of a traffic jam and still not be the cause or even a trajectory to the jam.

Bob says i bullshit too much. So, i'll stop now.

Peace.
May the vacation be with me!

a panic vacation

2008-02-24T02:17:00.003+05:30

What are you looking at? Does it have relevance to what i will say? Should it? Is it something i will profoundly call art? Why is it here? Now there's too much hype and curiosity to the picture. B**l* to the cat and its death due to an abstract. Why is that picture there?

The human mind, i read somewhere, strives to attain meaning and pattern in everything. It is true. We have stopped taking things the way the come. We always associate emotion, colors, shapes, stories and even Bob to it. College is a place where we go to enhance our knowledge. No! I'd rather make friends and get high with them. Life is supposed to be simple. No! i'd rather put myself in places i don't want to be in, say all the wrong things at the wrong time to the wrong people, put everything at jeopardy and create problems and then run from it till it chases after me and i've no choice but to face it and find a solution. I am Indiana Jones meet Don Vito Corleone who shall speak like Marc Anthony, charm women like Casanova and stay loyal like James Blunt and all this so i can be Brutus to myself.

That was a wrong start. This isn't about me. Its about the color "blue" and pornstars. Its about every man who thinks he's a slut and every woman who loves. Remember how it is easier to make enemies in search of a good cause and yet friends will always support you while you commit a sin. Is it really alright to feel Alien?

But the question is, why is that photograph here. Look at it now, it probably makes more sense.

Quantifying time.

2008-02-22T00:09:00.002+05:30

Ever wished that time was your bitch? That you can pause it at the moments you wanted to cherish, fast-forward it when you didn't like the situation you're in or even jump to some century to see how life would be?

Well, honestly i haven't wished for it ever. But, what i do like about the element time is its a free thing. Einstein himself said that time cannot be measured, it can only be bracketed between the start of someting and the end of it. And this is a very widely accepted concept. It makes sense actually. When a person is late, he/she says they'll arrive in 20minutes. So an understanding of that statement would be that the person will arrive 20 minutes after that moment.

Now the point being that i don't like the terms minutes, seconds, hours etc., so i started to classify(since time can't be measured) time differently. At one point I thought instead of sayin minutes i'd say songs. Taking the customary average of 3minutes per song. But, i never stuck to it.

The matter of fact is, as Haji tells me, i'm too complicated for myself. An, here i thought i was just a film-maker trying to avoid a cliche.

The uncomfortable hypocrite

2008-02-05T01:21:00.000+05:30

No, its not me. I live for myself. I practise, not preach and i honestly don't care. So, its definitly not me.

its them. I think they should form a club. They say sex before marriage is taboo, yet they've all lost their virginity in their teens. They say it because they've daughters and their daughters get along with guys.

they say marriage is heavenly and then send a forward abt how a man looses his happiness after marriage.

they say all is fair in love and war but don't approve of the concept of love. They speak about war and how bad it is but they'll never do anything but hide.

I was in someones arms today, both of us half naked and kissing. And for time's sake, i understood that i was having a good time. For name's sake, i knew it was just a fling. For understanding's sake, i made sure there were no feelings attached. As we lay there speaking about it, it made sense.Two people, in their sober-est of senses(well, physically speaking,i'm half a retard [;-)]) just plainly having fun, and being able to speak without any second thoughts and still not love each other,this made sense.

someone once told me that i was delusional, i told her that i loved her. All of that ended, and i know that love itself is delusional. But thats just me, the escapist. Blaming everything but myself. Yet, i hate them.

and by the way i miss Bob too. He isn't around, signed up for AA meetings. Poor me, noone to drink with from when he's back.

5th main,Ranka nagar

2008-01-17T02:27:00.000+05:30

According to the human nature guidebook(i doubt amazon.com has it) everyone strives for two things.
-> symmetry.
-> individuality.

Everyone thinks and wants the two halves to be equal. Everyone thinks and wants the world to be a perfect circle. All forms of art starts from a circle and the circle is considered to be in harmonic symmetry. Something that fades in must fade out, acceleration followed by deceleration and so on. Heck we even think that our faces are symmetric,but in reality they aren't.

Everyone wants to be unique, everyone wants an identity, an image, a personality and we all know that even identical twins are unique in their own way.

I walk like a pendulum between reality and this contradicting quest for symmetry and individuality at times in the night. A street that connects to a busy main, with a mallu bakery in one corner and a provision store at the other corner. Down this street are row houses. Almost identical almost perfectly symmetrical. Yet,each house screams out the names and personalities of its residents. Smoke in hand i walk towards this picturesque heaven and smoke in hand i walk back to speeding vehicles and jerks getting beaten up by cops. Moon in the sky, i walk up and down this street, 5th main, Ranka nagar, till the oscillation gets monotonous.

Happy new years...is it?

2007-12-31T19:13:00.000+05:30

While some of you were making last minute preparations, some cooking, some working, some studying, some already partying, some preparing for a party, some travelling and yet all of you excited about the fact that the Earth would be making its 2008th lap around the sun(i forget a few billion undocumented years before that) there is a breed of individuals who are alone. Yes, they're very alone. You wonder what kind of people these are.

Well, there are the ignorant, the unknowing, the incapable and then there're the apt. While the ignorants are stuck in their own worlds an don't really care about the new years eve, the unknown don't really know about it, its going to be just another night for them. Of course, our dear Mother of all children and the many N.G.O's remind us of the incapable.

Now, the apt are the stupidest kind. They pretty much have the money, the place, the permission and are dead sure about the date and things like that but they will still not party. Depression? Alone? No just unwilling and partially stupid.

And then there are the people who's friends are too busy with their own lives to sit an just relax and have a drink. The kinds with the better half and enough money to pay entry to a party make their friends circle. These people aren't held in contempt, they're friends. I guess its just this once. After all, there will be next year.

Peace.

Production...

2007-12-30T00:53:00.000+05:30

Happiness is a delusional state of being. Its the more sought after emotion and Shobha De has written a well-crafted article about it in last week's edition of 'the week' magazine and i don't want to talk abt happiness. But, i will say, "if you can't hope, you can't be happy". Again, hope is a delusional entity. And so am i a delusional being who talks about these delusional things.

I was sad that i didn't make it to art-school after my schooling. Then, i was hopeful that my secondary education in science would be a fair compensation. I was sad that i didn't feel like completing this secondary education for the sheer lack of interest. But, i was hopefull that i would crack the entrence exam for a design school. Then i was sad that i couldn't. I was sure that i would get some sort of an opportunity to the field of my choice and i did. But, i was not hopefull. I expected the worst, the most miserable and to an extent i entered those gates without any expectation. I was happy. Then, i put together a team and i was hopefull that we would accomplish a lot more than anyone else. And we did, but just once. This old team of mine has THREE pending projects all of which i can clearly hold intellectual rights to. And we stopped working as a team. I was sad. Then i wrote and i drew. I met professionals and i worked. I ate peoples heads and i cribbed and complained about my great loss of my wonderfull team. Then, i realized that without me, that team wouldn't've existed. And the films that are pending are my brain-childs. And then i loved myself. Then, came a new assignment and i had no team. I worked alone. I was happy. Now, i interacted with some classmates for our next assignment and they wondered if i would i work with them. I was sceptical, the least hopefull but i said 'why nat?' and started to do so.

A few days ago, right after mysore, i wanted to act. And i wanted to film it. I got a chance to make a music-video for an assignment and i joined a new team. They picked the song, coincidentally a favorite, i enjoyed the pre-production and planning of the video and pretty soon i'm going to enjoy acting in it. I lied to this team, saying that a music-video for the song doesn't exist. It does. They enjoyed working with me and i asked them if they'd like to help me complete one of my older films. They were more than happy.

Am i happy now?

I may be. But, i'm delusional. Like happiness.

STATUTORY WARNING: There is a lot of 'i' in this blog which makes it annoying. If for a while you could imagine 'i' not refering to me as who i am but as a relatable factor and read it as if its something coming from yourself, its still not going to make a difference... The 'i's will still be as annoying as ever.

Philosophical blues.

2007-12-29T12:10:00.000+05:30

'...all this is the only way one can break away from the human bondage(suffering, depression etc.,) to lead a...'

Are we really that sick of being human that we are tryin to find so many reasons to break away from it? The above is a quote i read in an article that spoke of a philosophy called existantialism or something like that. What i did like about the article was the fact that this philosophy said that a person is responsible for his being and that a super-natural or a meta-physical force does not act upon ones being,he creates his own ethos and his own personality,image etc.,etc.

So now that we're responsible for everything we're upto and everything we crave for.but then do we really want to elate ourselves from humanity? Or are our lives better off as an average Joe(not Bob)?

I guess this is the reasons we never hear of a philosophers tea party or banquet or forum or anything, even if they exist.

Choice. (i'm not sure of this title)

2007-12-29T00:15:00.000+05:30

Here are the only photo's i took on my so called vacation to Mysore. Mysore is a grand city based around a palace and the entire city can be covered on foot in a few hours. Did I enjoy my vacation? I'd rather not comment on that, but Mysore is a nice place and i will return sometime soon.

Ah, but before i left i happened to watch a wonderous video about the theory of a probable ten dimensional world. It goes on after Einstein's four dimensional world and continues through to add six more dimensions. I like the concept and i hope it is proved to be true. Just like the demotion of Pluto from its planatary status, this will not affect me directly. But, the school-goers can suffer.

The 5th dimension according to this theory is "CHOICE". Personally, I wouldn't go so far as to call it a dimension, but rather just a door between a parallel universe. Honestly, I've made choices, you've made choices, every idiot makes choices. If you're still alive then, you've pretty much been making the right choices, but who am i to say all that. You probably have a roof over your head and an internet connection to read this but you might be feeling downright suicidal cause u missed out on an oppertunity or gave the wrong answer or something like that. But, you're still alive because you choose to be.

You chose the clothes you're wearing(if you're naked, that's again your choice), you chose your religion(yes, we were all born to some or the other religion but at the legal age we are given the choice to convert), you chose what's for dinner(or not),you choose what to drink,smoke,eat,drive,write with and probably even leave all your belongings to when you die.

The point being that every single day we choose something, we're constantly making a choice and you never know what effect the choice that you made today will have on you tomorrow. What is fashion today, may be out-dated tomorrow.

Most of the time people put themselves in vulnerable circumstances because they choose to. Its an open invitation to rape.No matter how clumsily, unwillingly or unknowingly they are in that position, they made a choice on someday in their life that has put them there. You could be a gentleman and help them, but are you sure that's what they want?

That's another choice for you.

How do you know what you want? Do you even know? I think there are a handful of people on this planet who know exactly what they want. Even these people face choices and they play them safely, ethically and sometimes stupidly (give 'em a break, they're human too). What we don't understand is that we all have to interact with one-another. We can't be alone all the time and most of these choices have people involved. These people maybe a higher authority, someone close to you....your god, whoever. But, someone is always involved and this occurance of the "other" individual brings about chaos to your choice. Mind you, chaos can be a good thing. how does one decide that a choice one makes today will not make his life miserable tomorrow? I guess only making the choice will tell.

I choose to end this now.

(P.S: i'm still not sure of the title. i think "bob" would be a better title)

three 50 paise's

2007-11-10T00:26:00.000+05:30

There is here and there, now and then. And the only thing that remains in between is change and change is a fancifull thing. Everyone experiences it and everyone talks about it. Some hate it and the others seem to have no problems with it. Yet, its not a persons favorite thing. Then again change is also in reference to a negligible amount of money. An' that sorta change is my favorite. I'd pnce told someone, "change is a very good thing, especially 50paise. you can always buy a matchbox an burn things with it".
Recently, someone also replied saying that change is most contemporary to us. At that moment the reply was very acceptable, but a further inspection reveled to me that change is a common string that unyfies all ages and is contemporary to every era, the eccentricities of the eras and periods in history were because of change, change of a leader, change of ideas, change in trade routes etc.
Change change change change....I find the it a very annoying word to pronounce. The addition of syllables are somewhat disgusting. Oh and there's a fear of change too!! Can you believe it? There are people in this world who're afraid of change! And the sadist that i am, would like to scare these sort of people more by drawing up what all comes under change. Lets see now, -> growth.
-> new.
-> add.
-> remove.
-> eureka!
-> bob.
ha ha...gotcha again. Anyways, i think the above are just a few factors that would relate to change. Now, tic-toc tic-toc tic-toc tic-toc.......close your eyes......tic-toc tic-toc tic-toc.....think of growth......tic-toc tic-toc tic-toc tic-toc......think of new......tic-toc tic-toc tic-toc tic-toc......think of bob.........tic-toc tic-toc tic-toc tic-toc.......think of change......all set and done, feel any afraid?
Well, i cant really say if change is a good thing or not, but, it is a thing and it exists and changes for itself. But, one thing is for sure, changeing the brand or design of your underwear is the most difficult thing too get used to.
Peace!

Anonymity in power

2007-10-30T22:51:00.000+05:30

The internet is one of the most contemporary media of communication and expression today. Its technology that was supposedly built for rapid exchange of massive amounts of data, but it managed to spread its web to all area's of society, legal and illegal. Heck its so widespread that it has managed to blur the lines between legal and illegal.
Its a great place to be around...to learn things from and to communicate. Its also a great place to meet people... It opens up many opportunities for business, relationships, help and sex. But it offers one thing that nothing in the world can offer. Anonymity. People can be whoever they want to and do anything the want to on the internet being absolutely someone they're not.
These activities are eccentric. Ranging from tarnishing someones name to hiring hitmen, from living out fantasies to playing pranks, from frauds to what not. Second lives can be lived and your true identity can be hid. You can be someone you always wanted to. Sounds tempting? It is. But, why would you want to do something like that? Are you not happy with the person you are? Or are you not the person you show everyone to be?
Anonymity for some activities can be acceptable, like browsing pornography etc. because of the ethics behind it. But, there is only one way that the pornography industry is worth so much and we all know what it is.
Why am i writing this? Well, this is for someone and i hope the person understands what i'm saying.
;) goodnight.

Picture Speak

2007-10-13T02:24:00.000+05:30

For once, the image speaks my point of view.

Two pints of beer, bruised fingers from a heavy jam session, 3:13 in the night and a picture on the monitor. Life is after all two locked boxes each containing the others key.

One might wonder what relevance all this has with the image above. Well, let me write you a scene.

A cup of coffee was steaming in my hand as i stood by the highway with a friend and watched the motors that sped by. Unaware of what mindset this non-blood brother of mine was in, i looked up at the sky. Windy weather an a forecast of rain made the night sky cloudy. and these clouds in the sky were in a hurry. And then a glint of subtle white light came into view in a crescent shape. varied speeds of the clouds forming distorted shapes of grease on the moon. in this chaos caused by the clouds i still managed to find a few stars though my imagination multiplied the number of stors to many a levels. Instinctive wise cracks that run aound my head developed thanks to an obnoxious statement by my coffee-mate.

This very scene or more preferably "circumstance" is what inspired the creation of the above art, if i'm permitted to call it that. Technically speaking, it was made in Adobe Photoshop well under 20 minutes, using custom brushes with altered spacing and tweaked specificatons for these brushes. Also, the use of the "liquify" tool and an unprefered "layer style" option was used.

Personally speaking, i was content. My visual representation of natures beauty and my involvement of the circumstance was portrayed perfectly in this "digital" art, (again) if i'm permitted to call it art.

But what followed was even greater than the personal satisfaction i recieved from this visual representation i'd conjured. Since, i'm also involved in a primal level of Bangalore's music scene along with the guys i play with (By the way, we're a band called BIPOLAR, named after the psychological disorder). My friend picked up the acoustic guitar and played this psychedellic song we play, with a poetic recitation of one of my poems, called "Simple, Me". The above image was the only visible thing on my monitor, the lights were turned off, the guitar was hormonising and i started to recite the lines.

Trippy.

Yet, what i'd like for any viewer of this visual representation to do is view it without really trying to put oneself in my shoes. Like the title of my friends blog goes "My perception is not your reality".

Enjoy.

P.S. : All pirates of the internet are allowed to download the above art, it has not been water-marked in any way, hence making it easier for you to claim to be the original artists of this visual representation. Yes, this is a declaration.

The Great Indian Parade

2007-10-02T23:40:00.001+05:30

Well, from the past few weeks I've been thinking of writing\blogging about India, my country. I like my country. Its a pretty decent place to be in. Well, actually i wouldn't know how to rate it since I've never been anywhere else(apart from Nepal, which is a beautiful vacation). Yet, all i will say is that i like India for what it is and thats all.

Now, not too long ago i was riding my way to college after a LONG and necessary detour to my friends place to pick up material, i was stopped at an intersection buy a few traffic policemen. I heard no sirens of an ambulance or fire-truck yet the policemen had stopped the flow of traffic from all sides except one. At that moment, i was mentally preoccupied about college, my current short-film etc., and the de ja vous of this scenario did not occur to me. Simply, this wasn't the first time this was happening to me or any of the other riders and drivers who had been stopped. Realization hits slowly an with varying power, fortunately it was subtle this time an i realized that it was a convoy carrying a minister to the aerodrome nearby to be shipped away on political work in a helicopter.

One of my co-stopped-by-the-coppers was restless an probably late for work, started honking. I wondered if repeated honking would help attain the cops attention AND equality rights for the common man and those in power. But, in vein. The fat not only appears to be excessive on the policemen's bellies but surrounds their ears too i guess. I wish to digress from the topic for a moment, to briefly tell you that this last statement has nothing to do with anything apar from the physical structure of a few "healthy" policemen in the city, they have been approved healthy by the "state of the art" health check-ups and fitness tests. Returning. The policeman turned a deaf ear, the guy stopped honking and started cribbing to the rider next to him, he then started honking again, this time the policeman just turned around and pleasently nodded his head firmly requesting us to wait.

Now, the restless dude has grown more restless. he cribs louder an more publically(existence of this word is doubtful). Most of us like, like the true Indians we are, tried to get the best seats for this entertainment. But even that didn't last long 'cause the minister decided to speed by. and we were let go of. But as we accelerated to a move on, Mr. Restless had a heated 2 dialogue conversation with that policeman, which went something like this :
(Disclaimer : the following is a vague conversation i heard amidst engines and my own thoughts. It may only be partially true in word to word context but the gist of it remains true)

Mr. Restless - "auru boli makkalige yake special treatment?! yaradru aagli nam jeevana yaak nillastare?!"
Policeman - "Neeve vote hakkiraddu saar. naanu neeve power kottirradu aurge."

English form :
Mr. Restless - "why the special treatment for those sons of bitches?! Whoever they are, why do they bring a standstill to our life?!
Policeman - "Sir, you are the one who voted for him. Me and you are the people who have given them the power."

I sped away after hearing that much of that conversation, which i don't think would've lasted any longer since it involved Mr. Restless. Surprisingly enough, i grinned about this scenario.
Just another day in the great Indian circle of life?

Open-Minded Taboo

2007-09-18T22:41:00.000+05:30

There is a buzz about this radical new multi-level Networking business called E-Biz and one of my acquaintances in college has grown big in it. He told me that he'd never ask me to join it cause of my existing indulgence in my career. But during this particular conversation about E-Biz he said something that has stuck on to my mind. He said, "people are very open-minded about doing things that has already been done before".
I've no idea what he meant when he said it. But it made sense to me. My industry (Animation) requires creative artists. Please be free to correct me if that was wrong. And what is one thing artists should stray away from the most? According to me, its a shell they put their mind in. Most people think that Animation is all about having fun, which is true to a large extent, and most people think that animated films are to entertain people, which also somewhat true. But where does it say that comedy is the only sort of entertainment? and where does it say that animation is cartooning?
The last time i checked animation was a style of film-making. And films have different genres(horror, sci-fi, comedy, tragedy, etc,.). But why does animation have to be typecast in the comedy genre and especially the comedy for kids genre?
Is this a taboo that has been created by Mr. Walt Disney's mediocre form of mind-warping story-telling? I am not insulting the man, i have immense respect for what he's done. Yet, where was his "thinking out the box" cap when he was making those horrendously common and cliche'd stories? I appreciate what he's done technically for Animation but is that enough? According to me, he brought out the true ideology of animation in Fantasia and yet he perversified it by introducing Mickey Mouse where it was unnecessary. I, for one, am pretty sure that he did that for just one reason, Mickey was his safety net. He could put that character anywhere and people would watch it. Disney studios have tried over time to experiment with "current trends" right through the era's, they have ONLY advanced technically, and most of their experimentations have flopped. After Mr. Tim Burton's release of "A Night After Christmas" Disney tried a similar story, but they could not meet their audiences expectations as Disney had trapped themselves in the world of "cute characters and cliche'd stories".
Is film-making not an art? and is Animation not an enhanced collaboration of Painting and sculpting with motion?why stick on to the same old comical entertainment?Though i accept that comedy is the most difficult to do, why not something serious?
I think what my dear friend said during our E-Biz conversation applies here too. i end with the words of George Washington, "Creativity is to do the common in the most uncommon way".

Today

2007-09-15T00:49:00.000+05:30

Today was undoubtedly a very weird day. An for me to say should make it even weirder being tagged weird an all. But anyways, i woke up with extreme hesitation.Iit was a gloomy and London-ish weather(no i've not been to london) and all i wanted to do was go right back to bed. But my personal alarm(Dad) decides to throw me outta bed so i can head to college. Strangely i was in a goofy mood and decided to be cranky enough to go to college and annoy people there. By the time i war ready an walked out the door it was raining. You would think i went back to sleep but i went on to ride in the rain. All this even though i knew i would reach an hour late to college. I stopped by on the way for some really good Chai and a Cigarette by the highway(yes,i've to take the highway to reach college). When i reached i found only 6 others in my class and they weren't worth annoying so i got down to study up some art history. I've this Professor who we all call "Mani sir", he seemed pretty restless and decided to converse with me while regularly going somewhere and returning to the conversation. During one of his disappearing acts, a classmate asked me if i could explain a bit of Art History to her. I did. She got a bit confused and asked me to continue some other time. Mani sir returned with a book which contained some information i wanted. Our conversation continued and he asked me if i'd want to take class for the freshers. I agreed, and in any case they wanted to learn about converting the stop motion they'd captured to video. i went for lunch, got their resources ready for class with the help of a very annoyed Nikhil and went to class. It went on pretty well with the usual amount of technical issues. After this i asked Mani sir if i could leave,he wondered if i was plannin on goin home,i spontaneously replied that i was planning to and he approved of it. I'd a few plans of jammin which went down the drain. I reached home and SLEPT!!! I Slept till 8 o'clock. Been awake, researching and chatting after that.

hypocritaclism and change in hope

2007-08-26T20:53:00.000+05:30

An interesting person, experience, photograph, song or tree can affect ones perception. It may change it so rapidly or drastically that one may seem hyppocritical to oneself. As you may know that loosing hope, faith and belief is human tendency and its really allright to fo so. but what happens when you go around telling people that you have "lost" belief or whatever and the very next day somethin happems to regain your belief or whatever?
Are you a hypocrite or are you adaptable to change?or is it something else?
might seem stupid but things like that happen, people get screwed over by things and its easier to sit back and say you've no faith or hope left in you. it is easy to accept defeat, hell we all have seen such a day month or week. but what next? life doesn't cease to exist. we survive, just plain survive....then something or someone happens to you and you feel you are being revived from a disease. its soothing, it feels right and things start to make sense.
all i've to say is enjoy it....
people may and will say things but what you are is what is important.
i'l end with a question.
are you happy with how you are?

the art of stories

2007-08-17T20:28:00.000+05:30

As per my course and chosen profession,one is required to be a good actor and a better story teller. i study animation if you haven't read my profile(wait,i dont know if i've mentioned it there). most of my classmates try very hard to make up a story. they sit and think their heads out for an entire five minutes till they conclude that they can not come up with a story or they're having a writers block.
i wonder how difficult can it be to tell a story?
we've all made-up stories at one point of time or the other and most of the times its to get out of trouble. But, our stories already contain all the characters and the setting is already there, the plot has already been laid by "circumstance" and we're there to come up with a climax which ay either lead to a happy ending or an anti-climax with a not so happy ending but eventually we make it out to a happy ending.
so picking words from above we get,

characters
setting
plot
climax
happy
out
ending and,
bob

ha ha,almost gotcha....

but coming back to the topic,i think that is all the story needs. my course\profession is a bit weird 'cause ANYTHING at all can be the character. clay,puppets,buttons,chairs, tables,underwear.....anything. must be easier u think?not really...it takes a lot of research to base a story on buttons.

so for all those who think you cant write a story, you probably cant, so why bother?

Wassup?

2007-08-10T18:31:00.000+05:30

wassup?

i'm not askin, i'm stating it. its a term which has brought the most random and "its coming to an end" sort of conversations to life. though at stupid times it has been the most useless and seemingly out of place thing to say, it still feels right.
it carries along with it a certain unformal respect and and at times the most casual sense of disinterest. a conversation which consists of more than 5 "wassup's" is either a rap or is gonna be wrapped up cause of the loss of content. apparantly the phrase has at most times been taken in literal terms and perversified.
i personally like using it as a welcome term.when i say "wassup",i usually am not askin them wats up with them but i may rather be sayin "hey", "good morning", "i dunno what else to say" or things to that extent.
i do not have any opinion on if the usage of this word should be increased or decreased but whatever.
c ya.

love lust infatuation bullshit

2007-07-31T19:51:00.000+05:30

when in school they said its just infatuation.
in college it was just your harmones lusting.
they said u'll fall in love "when the time is right"....

bullshit?

maybe...

now you'll ask me who's "they". your parents of course, if not them it'l be your teachers,the movies,the press,your neighbour and maybe even your girl\boyfriend.
oh but they'll promise to stay by your side till eternity or death(whichever earlier).
an what do i have to say about all this? nothing really. on a more personal note i lust for love...(definitely not infatuated by bullshit though).i know....

perception perception

2007-07-26T20:49:00.000+05:30

Quite interestingly, everyone's talking about it. So, for a change, i thought i'd speak of the same. It is true that perception is our one true camera. Every damned soul has one and almost every one of them damned soul's will try implimenting it on you. Difficult, very difficult. Most creative out-reaches have been curbed because of this forcefull implimentation and most of these implimentation been hypocritically contemplated and changed by the same. But, its too late and no ne really cares about mistakes anymore.
selfish and stupid, are the name given to the ones who aren't affected.
if there is one perception i've to confess about is that i'm bored. Bored writing about this topic, when i could have rather told ya'll about how frustrated i am that i'm experiencing a power cut while i have tonnes of work to be completed and tomorrow is the deadline. but who really cares?
i end by relating a quote from a play i'd been to recently, "In this world there is no black or white.....everything is grey." i said, "profound" sarcastically and walked out.